Grinches Hate Life

When thinking about the upcoming blog post for December my thoughts turned understandably towards Christmas. I thought about what connections could be made between our work at ALIES and the Christmas season, and while there are many, all I could think about was my siblings and our family Christmas traditions.

                I was recently asked by a young mom, who has many children of her own, if I resented coming from such a large family. I am the seventh of ten (seven girls and three boys). I’m very extroverted and sanguine, so being part of a large clan, in my eyes, is exciting. It’s also all I know. My siblings, while a constant torment, have also shaped me into the person I am. They have forced me, at times kicking and screaming, to grow, at least a little, in virtues I am very much lacking.

                This question, whether or not I enjoy being apart of a large family, was ever present as a child, mostly coming from adults who would ask that with a look of horror upon learning how many siblings I have. It always confused me. The question that immediately came to mind was, “Well, who shouldn’t be here, then?”

                There is the very real possibility that, if there had been fewer of us, I would have had “nicer things” or done more “fun activities.” But how do I measure “things” and “activities” against the lives of any of my brothers and sisters? Would I trade insightful and wickedly-witty Nora for more Barbies at Christmas? Or the chance to go to Disneyland for the life of my smart and annoying (or rather annoyingly smart) younger brother John?

                I am not a mother, so I would hesitate to ever comment on one’s choice as to how many kids people choose to have. But what I will say, as a child in the middle of the pack, is that a great gift my siblings have given me is the knowledge that it is in fact not always about me.

                I recently came across an Instagram reel in which a couple was announcing their pregnancy and showing the seven kids they currently have. Here are just a few of the comments under the post:

—“This made me feel very uncomfortable” —

—“I’m not sure why folks think these huge families should be celebrated”—

—“Americans think they have to overpopulate the world”—

—“This is such a weird thing to celebrate”—

—“Two child policy should be implemented everywhere”—

. . . And these are just the PG ones

                The only explanation I can find for why someone would comment something like this is because they lack imagination. They can’t comprehend why someone would inflict upon themselves the selflessness needed to have and raise children. A common phrase my mom would say growing up is “I am third- God, others then myself.” These commenters need to learn that they are not first.

                As my family prepares for our big Christmas celebrations, the usual Sunday supper get togethers continue. During this Advent time, we’ve started practicing singing Christmas songs with the little nieces and nephews, while my brother-in-law plays the piano. Seeing my nieces sit on my mom’s, their nana’s, lap and sing with her has simplified everything for me. They have no need to justify their existence. Their existence, them being children living in their fantasy world of wonder, is an argument for the fact that life itself is good. We live in a world that seems to be falling apart and full of catastrophe. It may seem like “the wrong time” to start a family for people seem to think they have to wait for the perfect time, but no such time exists. How we change the world, how civilisations get rebuilt is by having and raising children.